So, there I was, finally planning a date with someone new, when my phone buzzes. Guess who? Yep, the ex I hadn't heard from in weeks suddenly developed superhuman texting abilities. Funny how that works, right?
Let's talk about this phenomenon I like to call "The Ex-Files: The Truth Is They're Salty." You know what I mean - that magical radar exes seem to develop the moment you start smiling at someone new. It's like they've installed some sort of happiness detector that goes off whenever you're moving on.
Picture this: You're out having a drink with your new person, laughing at their honestly terrible dad jokes when your ex mysteriously appears at the same bar In a city 50 miles off their route. What are the odds? About the same as them accidentally liking your Instagram post from 2019 at 3 AM, I'd say.
The best part? The Oscar-worthy performance that follows:
"Oh! I didnt know you’d be here!" (Translation: I've been studying your routine like a private investigator)
"You look... different." (Translation: Why do you look so annoyingly happy?)
"I'm totally fine, by the way!" (Translation: I am absolutely not fine)
And don't get me started on the social media warfare. Suddenly, they're posting more thirst traps than a desert oasis, their Stories are filled with motivational quotes about "upgrading," and somehow they've taken up all the hobbies they criticized you for having. Yoga instructor certification? Check. Cooking classes? You bet. Skydiving? Obviously.
Here's the thing though - their jealousy isn't about you. It's not even about your new person. It's about their own unresolved stuff bubbling up like last week's leftover pasta that you forgot in the back of the fridge. (Speaking of which, should probably clean that out...)
My personal favorite move? When they start dating someone who looks suspiciously like you. Nothing says "I'm totally over it" like dating your doppelganger, right?
So what do you do? Well, here's my tried-and-true strategy:
1. Keep living your best life
2. Don't engage in the drama
3. Remember that their jealousy is like a bad cover song - familiar but not worth your attention
4. Maybe block them on social media (for your own sanity)
Look, at the end of the day, their jealousy is actually a compliment in disguise. It means you're doing something right - moving on, being happy, growing. And isn't that the best revenge? Not that you're seeking revenge, of course. You're too busy being happy to even think about that... right? 😉
Just remember, while they're busy writing their own telenovela, you're out there starring in your own romantic comedy. And personally? I'd rather be in the rom-com any day.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go post a perfectly casual, totally not staged photo with my date. You know, for science. 📸✨
Until next time,
